We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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