He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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