If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
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