Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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