I'm gonna have a badass scar
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
