Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
