she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
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