the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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