can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
it's great music for shaving your balls
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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