Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Randomize
