apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
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