I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
