If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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