You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
