Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
