you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Just high enough for therapy.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
