planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
