he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
