I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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