My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
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