carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
