my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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