Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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