you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
