We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Randomize
