Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
