the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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