I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
