You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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