We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
