You're completely useless in the revolution.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
