she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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