omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
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my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
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As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.