We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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