I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
