So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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