What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
