those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
