Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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