My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
