did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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