I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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