Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
