I'm going to rape someone's good day.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
