I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
