the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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