..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
