Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
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