I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Randomize
