During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
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