hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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