this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
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