So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
