I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
