So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Randomize
