would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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