you guys were way drunker than both of me
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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