You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
