I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
