I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
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