Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
