guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
