Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
it hurts more in the daytime
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
