I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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