Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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