I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
