Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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