Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
