Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
