I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
