he wants to bone in the snuggie
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
