hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
