That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
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