She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
