Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Randomize
